Life and Death Is What I Battle With

LIFE

Trying not to think about the negative

Working on the positive

But positive seems to lead to negative so I try to balance it

My Libra scales are talented 

Life and Death is what I battle with 

Because I'm living to die and time is going mighty quick

So I'm doing things for the hell of it 

Trynna get the best of it                                

Thinking if I do this death would come slower shit

Not realizing that I'm making life more quick

Cause everyday that goes by is a life lived 

Everyday that goes by is death living to 

Not knowing if I'm waking up to see a day or maybe two

So each day I wake up I thank the man above

That I'm not six feet below

Without him I wouldn't feel the pain the pleasure the hate and the love 

Showing me that in life we have to have both positive and negative 

And no matter what we must follow it 

So I'm going to live my life until Death swallows it

DEATH

                                                              

Update !!!!!

So its been a long time since I've been on here and that's because i have been taking care a lot of things as far as making smart life decisions to be able to make myself comfortable. I'm back now but based on timing it'll determine how much i will be posting through out the week. But here's an usate:
   For the past couple of months i have been trying to get myself back on track with school and that has become a success for me putting less of a burden on me. I have also made long term and short term future and present goals that will help me and i will be sure to achieve them. I have started working on the Tru3b3auty Entertainment part as well, and this i am looking for more support and just trying to network with more people in order to expand it.  So far so good I have choose the people that have help me begin this entertainment real wisely and they have been major support as well, they are not just my friends or apart of the team they have also become family. i have a very small circle but i know that people in my circle would be there to support me with anything and everything no matter what.

We all have life goals, and for as long we are living on earth we would be trying to fight to get to these goals or meet them but it will all take little steps, and we would know when these life goals are achieved when we leave this earth happy and knowing that we were able to accomplish something. We must always stay focus and never quit, nothing is easy in life like they say with out struggle there's no success and even when your successful you still have to struggle to keep yourself there.

I am passionate about what i do and sometimes we must sacrifice things in order to get back to what we really want to do in life. I am back and this time i will be consistent with it. Be sure to be on the look out for post.

Thank You everyone for your support.
                         
                                       Tru3b3auty

                                                                     
                                                                   

ARE THINGS GOING WRONG.....

Somethings are all wrong but can't seem to figure them out
I most stay strong and live with no doubts
People try to push me to the edge thinking that I'm going to fall
But my scales are so balanced so those kind of people just get ignored
I'm striving for nothing but the best
I would never settle for less
I conquered my own life and in it i am blessed
Going through hard roads and hitting rocks but all of that is just a test
See only i know how bad i want it
How bad i will take success and flaunt it
And show the world that i own it
I know my time will come when my life will be done
But i will be there happy cause i kno all that I've done
Until than though while my life is still going
I will never give up til my life is fully showing

Believe to Achieve.....

Climbing up the ladder trying not to fall

 I believe that I can succeed                                                                         

Motivation is my high I don't need no weed

Climbing up the ladder trying not to fall

Failure isn't an option because imma give it my all

Always was a leader other people had to follow

Sorta like a teachers pet, call me a role model

See I look up to life because that's what I'm living

And when life gives up on me ill go straight to heaven

I look up to life cause life teaches a lot

But it's up to you to know when to go and when to stop

Try not to stress but its not that easy 

Realizing life goes by so fast 

Living for everyday but everyday doesn't last 

Because theres a tomorrow and than a day after that 

So each day that goes by is a memory gone flat

Have to stay focus, so I stay undercover 

Yearning for pleasure so success is my lover

Never dream to achieve 

Achieve to believe

Believe to succeed 

To fulfill all your dreams 

How It Could Be....

See I think about my life and how it is

Sale drugs and my  body

Have to sale drugs and my body just to raise my kids                       

Walking up and down the streets just to make a living 

So my family could have a place to sleep and a toilet to shit in 

Having to see my green veins, and green trees 

Always began and saying please

At nights I always dream that I'm rich and famous 

How I'm a beautiful girl never living in anguish

I wake up and wish all of this was true 

But its just another day same routine to do

See I think about my life and how it use to be

When I was living with my parents so young and pretty

Never thought about no boys cause they were yucky

And the ones that I did talk to well they were lucky 

The days where you could call him your friend and it was nothing sexual

I always held my head high knew I would be successful

Had good and bad times but my life was never stressful

See I think about my life and how it could be 

I wouldn't be doing wrong just to raise my family

It wouldn't be a dream it would be reality 

I could be happy living my life to the fullest

Never would have to lie to myself 

Wouldn't be messing up my body or my health 

But I learned that my life its not how it could be because of me 

Thinking that what I was doing was a good way to start 

I started and never finished
Always followed my heart and not my head 

Now I'm sitting here wishing that I was dead
                                                              

It wouldn't be a dream it would be reality

                                                                                                        

Truth is the trust.....

You can't trust nobody in your life 

Because even the ones that your trust stab you in the back with a sharp knife

You cant even trust, trust because trust forces you to tell the truth

But the truth hurts so you tell a lie 

Trying to move on but this lie that you just told is still in your head

Told this lie to a close friend or the one that lays next to you in bed

But like I said                                                                                    

The truth hurts but you have to tell the truth to gain that trust 

It takes to long to gain that trust because you cant tell the truth

So like a nail its rusts

You still living with the truth but now you have no trust 

See what we fear to realize is that the truth controls the trust 

And as we live our life telling a lie becomes a lust 

We use it for guilty pleasure

Knowing that the truth would set you free 

And be by your side forever

So the next time you want to tell a lie to replace the truth 

Think whether or not will the trust be there for you 

And you will see nothing but NEVER

Crazy, Insane, and Derange

wake up with blood in my hands

I cry as my mind starts to change 

I'm going crazy you can call it insane                                              

Running away from real

Wishing I can make time stay still 

Dreaming that I want to kill 

I wake up with blood in my hands 

Thinking that my bed bleeds

So I have to change up my sheets not realizing that its really me

Cause when I dream that I kill its me that I'm really killing 

Its like my body is numb so when I do it there's no feeling 

See I cry as my mind starts to change 

I'm going crazy you can call it derange

Dreaming that I'm standing real still in the pouring rain 

I hear voices in my head and they sound real strange

Telling me that my life is easy and I shouldn't complain 

But this strange voice is lying 

Because everyday I wake up I start crying 

Knowing that my life is a living hell and in it I'm slowly dying 

See I cry as my mind starts to change 

I need help feeling nothing but pain 

See I cry as my mind starts to change 

And now its to late, I'm now controlled by the 

Crazy 

Insane

and Derange

Royal Thoughts.....

Breathing but I'm still out of breathe

Bleeding til its no blood to death

Living til there's no life left                                                                         

Failing but I know I'm the best

Bleeding til its no blood to death

Standing but I'm always falling down

Going straight in life, but life goes round and round 

Dreaming that I'm buried underground

I'm a queen and I deserve the crown 

Crying cause I can't see

Don't know the difference between real and reality

Is reality real or just a fantasy

Moving fast but time is ahead of me

My life is royal so call me your majesty 

Follow my heart instead of my brain

Walking through life lost like theirs nothing to gain

Blood vessels pop in my veins cause I strain

Yes I'm in pain

Just build my castle you've already been trained

Have to guess my next move like a game of charades 

Cut through my soul with a really sharp blade

Happy I'm dead so you have a parade 

Now just call my servants cause my life has been made

Happy I'm Dead so you have a Parade

Til' Death Do Us Part....

Plant my spirit in your soul

When I hear your voice it soothes my soul                                  

I want you to hold on tight don't never let go

Run away with me to a place called far away 

Let me show you that I need you in my own special way 

You can make my heart cry but make sure its tears of joy 

Because I been through the pain and its nothing to enjoy 

The connection so strong that it make my veins bleed

Plant my spirit in your soul like a little seed 

Watch your soul grow my spirit til it gets old

I want us to be a story a story always told

Want everyone to know that your the reason I breathe

Your the reason why I'm here

Your the reason why I see

Your the reason why I call my life reality

Mad me realize that not only people but life can stab you with a knife 

Told me that my wound was deep and that you would help me heal 

That's when I put my life in your hands and called it my will 

I want us to grow together, get old together 

Live like were immortal and call it forever

We are in a love race and its almost our time to start

Just make sure we work together to win until death do us part

No Second Life....

Time is freezing

My heart is gasping for air you can hear it wheezing

It's like I'm playing basketball with no ball

Sometimes I feel like I'm on this earth for no reason

But I'm living for a reason

Things always changing in my life like the four seasons

Instead of Summer, Winter, Spring, and fall

I have happiness, Pain, confidence, and more 

Its like I'm playing basketball with no ball

Walking through the school hearing noises but theirs no one in the hall

You see I have a voice in my head

Angel or Devil I don't know but its always haunting me 

Not trying to tell me whats right or wrong, just talking about my life 

Its driving me insane, I cant sleep at night 

People calling me crazy I'm starting to think they right

Thinking I can see the world, when I was born with no sight 

Trying to figure out the facts of life when life is all in the facts

We live to die on this earth and cant never turn back

Cant get second chances

The market doesn't go around selling second life enhancers

You see I have a voice in my head

Blind To Reality.....

A diamond in the ruff                                                                          

crying every night because you don't know who to trust

been hurt so many times

Diamond in the Ruff

Punched in the eye til they went blind

Now I cant see the world

What they call reality 

Have to picture it all in my mentality

My pictures become a fantasy 

A fantasy I cant fulfill

Dreaming that I was walking up a hill

A hill that never ended

Realizing that my fantasy was my dream and it was never ending

You call it a cycle I call it mess

Thinking why is my brain still living but my body is at rest

Its like I'm paralyzed from the neck down

Looking for another body to use as a rebound

Rebound meaning life

Cause my life has divorced me I am no longer its wife

But how can I look when I cant see

Trying to get with positive, but getting abused my negativity

You see its hard

Trying to shuffle but you keep getting the same colors and numbers in your deck of cards

Replacing your life for another is impossible

The ratio for you living on this earth forever is improbable

So live your life to the fullest like its unstoppable

No regrets....

A time in my life where I live with no regrets

Been through a lot of negativity but it was all a test

Sometimes I passed, sometimes I failed

At the end of it all I still prevailed 

I will never be gone

When I die I'm still going to be here because my spirit so strong

I want to become a legacy

Show the world that you can succeed

Be whatever you want to be 

All it takes is focus and Faith

Envision your power go beyond the 50 states

Do it all and more no matter how long it takes

Live life to love life that's the motto

Make as many wishes as you want but remember there's only one genie in a bottle

So achieve these wishes and be wise

You can face these wishes look them right in the eyes

I'm on a battle field and I call it life

Getting hit from different directions with swords and knives

I get cut a couple times but I still keep going

Knowing that at the end of this battle to the top is where I'm going 

Living this life with no regrets

Showing the world you are the best as it gets

Life, You

When people say they hate you they really love you

They realize that they can't never come above you

You make it to the top and they smile in your face say they adore you

Knowing back in the day they did nothing but scorn you

So when they begin to talk they do nothing but bore you

See no one can control you

Can't let people in your life cause they would do nothing but disown you

In the beginning its always great

But then you let ride out until its to late

Late to realize that they're no good

Getting killed by your own friend after you said ya was cool in the hood

We all make mistakes

Some of us learn from them no matter how long it takes

So choose your path wisely know where you want to go 

Even though we only have one life you will realize how much that one life will grow

A Heart Is.......

A Heart is love at first sight

it is when you feel like you've done something right 

A Heart is loving someone despite of what they do

Nothing can stop the tender care between the both of you 

But once that Heart is broken you will never see the same life you had back then

You will not know how to love again

A Heart is loving what you do 

The self-esteem you have stays right next to you

A Heart is hearing what they say

About having your love fade a    way

If you keep that Heart right inside 

You'll realize all the negative will pass you by

Keep that Heart right next to you 

And you'll see that positive things that happen to you

From Beginning to End

My Heart is Thinking

 I'm torn yes you hurt me

I know I'm not a baby no ones there to burp me

My heart is Thinking 
My veins are bleeding

The things you said really tore me apart

It's like a Rebirth but you don't know where to start

I'm crying but there aren't any tears

It's like a waisted pipe leak that's been going for years

Life isn't easy no not for me

Sometimes I wish God would come and set me free

My Pride and Joy will never Fail

I'm Tired

I Try

But each day gets closer and not a damn thing gets me by    

I'm strong though and I will survive 

              Because 

I'm a young black phenomenal women 

                  And 

An old one I will Die

My Pride and Joy will never fail

It will never stay locked in me like a jail cell

They say you reap what you sow and I'm reaping a lot

Not realizing that in the end I'm all I got 

It's like I'm in a nutshell that cant never get cracked                       

I'm just standing there real still all alone in the dark

Life is what you make of it and you can make a lot

Its like your in your own story but you still don't know the plot

Time is up I must start again

Have to go from the beginning all the way to the end

Your Body

Your external saves your internal that's why i call it Heroic...(Picture taking in front of a mirror)

 I know you see me

 Yes you I'm talking to you

Touching every aspect of your body damn you sure are beautiful

Your eyes shine bright I can see my reflection

You hold me so close your my only protection

Your nose is big but it fits your face just right

Your hands feel so strong like you've won every fight

Your lips so pink, so small and succulent

I hear your heart in my brain its like I'm touching it 

Your ears are so perfect not to big not to small

I'm looking at your body because yes you have it all

You private with you privates so you cover them up

But I still analyze your body and just say so what

Your body is your temple and I want you to know it 

Your external saves your internal that's why I call it heroic

I mean your precious on the outside but inside your more

Your like a diamond in the inside, a diamond I will adore

My dream has come true and I like what I see

You look even better in reality

So lets try this again

I know you see me

Yes You I'm talking to ME

Why I Started This...

Hello Everyone My name is Evelyn Martinez I am 20 years old. I was raised in Harlem, New York and is the the oldest of six kids three girls and thee boys. I also have stepbrother and sisters. I am very new to things like this but I decided to share my thoughts and my creativity with you guys. I love to write I write about anything and everything that comes to mind whether its a short story, play, or poem I love to write it all. I made this page specifically for my poems and as it grows and I start to get more people reading my work I will expand and add more i really want to start an entertainment group called Tru3b3auty Entertainment, this entertainment will reflect on young women and teens who have issues when it comes to their self esteem and how they feel about themselves when in society, i want to be able to show them that True Beauty is skin deep and no matter what anyone says you are always going to be beautiful.  Growing up I was teased a lot and i had self esteem issues myself so i know how it feels but as i began to get older I realize so much about myself and my confidence began to grow stronger and so did myself esteem now no one can tell me nothing about who I am and what I am about. I know that as this grows for me that I will have feed back from many women and I hope to inspire some as well. I'm Just trying to take things one day at a time. Many people have read some of my writing and they tell me that I should do something like this, some even say that it inspires them to start writing as well. Writing is a way to express your feelings and your thoughts it brings out your inner beauty in a whole different way.